5 Leadership Traps to Avoid (and What to Do Instead)

Let’s be real, leadership sounds exciting until you’re in the seat.

Suddenly, it’s not just about strategy or motivation. It’s about people, expectations, and a thousand little decisions that don’t always have easy answers.

Over the years—on deployments, in corporate rooms, and now through coaching—I’ve seen great leaders trip over the same five traps. Not because they didn’t care, but because these traps were sneaky.

Here are five to watch for—and, more importantly, what to do instead.

1. The “Be Everyone’s Friend” Trap

The trap:You get promoted and are now leading people you used to sit next to. You don’t want to rock the boat, so you avoid conflict, sugarcoat feedback, or hope issues work themselves out.

The cost:Respect drops. Accountability fades. Soon, you’re not leading—you’re managing comfort.

What to do instead:Redefine the relationship—don’t destroy it. You can care about people and still hold them accountable. Start early with clarity:

“I value our history, but I take this role seriously. You can count on me to be fair and firm when needed.”

2. The “Too Busy to Listen” Trap

The trap:You’re moving fast—meetings, deadlines, goals. You start giving quick answers without pausing to understand. You assume silence means agreement.

The cost:Misalignment. Resentment. A team that stops sharing what you need to hear.

What to do instead:Slow down to speed up. Build connection into your rhythm. Ask:

• “What is important now?”

• “Do you have everything you need?”

• “Where do you feel unclear?”

Intentional check-ins beat long, delayed conversations every time.

3. The “Everything Is a Priority” Trap

The trap:You say “yes” to everything—every initiative, every request, every fire drill.

The cost:Burned-out teams. Confused goals. Mediocre execution.If everything is a priority, nothing is a priority.

What to do instead:Define the main effort. Everything else is either supporting or distracting. Say clearly:

“This is our focus. If something threatens that, we pause and reassess.”

Priorities are your leadership compass.

4. The “Avoiding Tough Conversations” Trap

The trap:You wait too long to address problems—hoping they’ll fix themselves or avoiding discomfort.

The cost:Problems grow. High performers disengage. Trust erodes.

What to do instead:Tough conversations don’t get easier with time. Lead with care and clarity. Try:

“I want to bring something up to help us move forward stronger.”

Honest leaders are trusted leaders.

5. The “I Have to Know Everything” Trap

The trap:You believe you need all the answers—or worse, you fake it.

The cost:Micromanagement. Missed innovation. Exhaustion.

What to do instead:Lead with questions, not just answers. Ask your team:

• “What options do you see?”

• “What would you do if I weren’t here?”

Empowerment isn’t weakness—it’s wisdom.

Final Thoughts:

Leadership isn’t about perfection. It’s about self-awareness, consistency, and courage. The best leaders I’ve served with, and now coach, aren’t flawless. But they’re intentional.

They catch themselves in the trap.They pivot.They grow.

So here’s your challenge:Which trap do you recognize in yourself today and what’s one small step you can take to avoid it tomorrow?

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