You Can't Receive Leadership If You're Filled with Bitterness and Ego

You Can’t Receive Leadership When You’re Filled with Bitterness and Ego

This is my second newsletter on feedback, because it’s that important.

Feedback can change careers, relationships, and entire cultures when it's done right. However, one thing I’ve learned is that feedback isn’t just about what’s said, but also about what’s received.

The Lesson That Humbled Me

Early in my career, I had a boss who pulled me aside one day and gave me feedback on my writing. He didn’t sugarcoat it. He said straight up, “Greg, your writing needs some work.”

I wish I could tell you I took it well. However, the truth is that my ego took a hit.

My first thought was, “Who is he to tell me that? I’ve been writing for years, and no one has ever said anything before.”

He must’ve seen the look on my face because instead of walking away, he sat down with me.

We discussed areas where my writing could improve, and more importantly, he helped me develop a plan to improve.

That was the day I learned something about leadership:

You can’t receive guidance when your ego is standing in the way.

When you let pride or bitterness drive your response, you block the very growth you say you want. Leadership and mentorship, though different, can’t grow in soil filled with resentment; it grows in humility, accountability, and effort.

For the Leader

• Schedule the time. Providing feedback is your job, plain and simple. If you are not making your team better, you are not leading.

• Be honest. Don’t water down the truth; clarity is kindness.

• Explain why it matters. Help the teammate understand how this feedback impacts not just their current role, but their future success.

• Give actionable steps. Don’t just say “get better,” show your people how.

• Follow up. Growth happens in the follow-through, not the feedback.

For the receiver

• Listen without defense. You don’t have to agree immediately, just stay open long enough to understand the point.

• Ask for clarification, not validation. Instead of explaining or justifying, ask questions like: “Can you help me understand what that looked like from your perspective?”

• Take notes. Writing feedback down shows that you value it, and it helps you process it later with a clear mind.

• Apply the feedback — then follow up. Growth is proven through change. Follow up to show progress and ask for continued input.

• Separate the message from the messenger. Don’t get caught up in delivery; focus on what’s useful.

That experience didn’t just make me a better writer; it made me a better leader.

Because once I learned how to receive feedback, I became more intentional about how I gave it.

Leadership isn’t about knowing it all.

It's about staying coachable, no matter how long you’ve been in the game.

Question for Reflection

When you receive feedback, do you listen to get better, or do you listen to defend?